Vibrator: Post Office sweating, an ad-tech industry ding-dong, a mankini incident and psychometric testing

The Drum's resident gossip Claire Snare keeps her eardrum finely tuned to bring you the latest juice that those sneaky press teams are dying to keep quiet.

Come one, come all to the hive of salacious advertising gossip and marketing industry buzz that is The Drum’s Vibrator.

This fortnight The Drum's gossip girl Claire Snare has been picking up juicy tidbits from around the industry, including a bitter ad-tech spat (come on guys - why not kiss and make up?) and the finding that a quarter of ad industry respondents to a psychometric test by the IPA qualified as profanity-loving Malcolm Tucker of The Thick of It fame. Go figure.

Personality crisis

The IPA has constructed a psychometric personality test for the ad industry, to test the honesty of agency staff in how they respond to client briefs. So far it has apparently had “hundreds” of guinea pigs – with just under two-thirds scoring full marks for diligence and professionalism and earning the profile of Friends character Monica Bing’s obsessive tendencies. Nearly a quarter, though, were given the personality profile of The Thick of It’s foulmouthed anti-hero Malcolm Tucker, while 18 per cent were classified as everyone’s favourite social outcast, Alan Partridge. Worrying?

Ding dong – round one

A proper fight broke out in the ad-tech industry last week when two well-respected companies TubeMogul and Turn had a rather public, bitter spat over who was the biggest liar. The two have been flexing their muscles over the last few weeks after Turn sent a vitriolic email newsletter to its clients accusing Tubemogul of dodgy tactics. Not to be outdone, TubeMogul gave Turn a very public dressing-down in a blog it wrote called ‘Real Truth about Turn’s Lies’. It later added a link back to the original email with the words: ‘Click above to read Turn’s false claims. Then read below to learn how we ‘turned’ the tables on them.’ (See what they did there?)

Your move, Turn.

Let's get physical

“Hey Pete, we wanna sweat with you” – no, not the opening line to a blue movie, but apparently the subject of several emails sent to everyone’s favourite Post Office chief marketer, Pete Markey. A little birdie told me that following a fabulous story published on The Drum discussing Pete’s plans to “sweat Post Office data harder”, he was inundated with requests from agencies clamouring to do the deed and ‘sweat it out’ with him. Delightful.

Keep on buzzin'

Barely a few weeks have gone by and yet we have ANOTHER dildo update. Honestly, who would have thought an innocent gossip blog could attract such filth? I’m informed that apparently a week or so after I exposed the tale of a used designer dildo that was stuffed down the sofa of a certain former Publicis Entertainment creative director, and then auctioned off for £25, the supposed owner’s phone wouldn’t stop buzzing with people desperate to find out if the vibrator was his. Not such a mystery after all, it seems.

Dying of thirst?

The King & Queen pub on Foley Street was jam packed last week with well-wishers for Starcom Mediavest’s former big chief Stewart Easterbrook, who has left the agency to pursue new business opportunities. The bar was drunk dry by closing time, or so I’m told, as streams of thirsty marketing and media people abandoned the pub and weaved their way to the Groucho Club, while others hit Jerusalem bar. One senior SMG exec, who claims the same name as a character that got killed off in US TV hit 24 – US president’s David Palmer – was heard screaming: “I’m alive and kicking despite being shot in the throat”.

Man up!

Not to be outdone, that same night some outlandish claims were made by a certain Bryce Keane – founder and director of Albion Drive as well as co-founder of 3Beards. I’m told several bystanders in the Crown and Shuttle overheard him proclaim he would have to be a bit late for cocktails at Shoreditch House as he had left his leopard-print ‘mankini’ at home, and simply couldn’t show his face for his usual swim in the members’ club pool without it. Quite an interesting image to erase from one’s memory.

Heard any juicy stories you want me to know about? Email me at claire.snare@thedrum.com or vibrator@thedrum.com. All tip offs will be handled in confidence. I promise.

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