SXSW FU: It's all about South West X South West now
I'm not much into jet-setting, what with thrombosis and terrorism. So, I was NOT IN THE LEAST BIT PUT OUT THAT NO ONE INVITED ME ON A JOLLY TO SXSW.

Crowds flock to SWXSW
Nope. I just said to Malc: "Malc, let's put on our own shitting showcase, right here in the South West." And there you have it: 26 people descended on St Giles's hall for the first ever SWXSW. Graham from Graham's Gadgets and Gizmos showed us how to wire a plug, and explained the virtues of a one-cup kettle. And we had our very own Karen Carpenter tribute act, "What's the Skinny", perform a beautiful medley. With refreshments courtesy of the Dorset VHS Repair Centre (Lidl's lager and microwaved french bread pizza) SWXSW was a resounding success. See you here next year?
Here's a ditty for any of you that also BEAR NO GRUDGE AT ALL FOR MISSING OUT ON SXSW
SXSW FU
You know how The Royals can't fly together
In case the plane goes down?
Well, I hoped noro virus would hit SXSW,
with all The Fromages in town.
West Country homemaker Pam Scares is The Drum's poetess in residence