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Why Vine should be one elephant shorter - welcome to Pam's poetry corner

By Pam Scares

February 15, 2013 | 3 min read

There are three things that truly test my patience on a daily basis: My husband Malc. The fact I can't hear the TV over the bloody extractor fan in the kitchen. And when the wide wide interweb wastes my time.

Vine: too many elephants

I don't know about you, but when I want some information, I don't want to jump through hoops. As for anything that takes longer than a squirrel's fart to load: forget it. And, dear lord, don't try and make me watch a video on how to how to internet bank when I just want to check Malc's balance. Please, the internet, just tell me: is Janet Porter on today's Loose Women, or not? (Cos the TV'll be staying off if she is.) Or when's my bleedin wheelie bin getting emptied, tell me that mycouncil.com – and NO, I don't want to answer your survey.

So imagine my delight when Twitter launched its new video clip gizmo, Vine. "6 shitting seconds!" I said to Malc, "blink and I'll miss it, thank god". Now, if only that were so. Aside from the erect penises, I'm not impressed, I can tell you. Cos 6 seconds seems like forever and a day if the subject matter's dull as dishwater. There's probably a moral to this tale, but blow me I can't think of it. So I've written a poem instead. I hope you enjoy it, my lovelies.

Oh, I wish Vine were an elephant shorter

One elephant

Two elephant

Three elephant

Four elephant

Five elephant

Six elephant

See what I'm sayin'?!

Right I'm off to cook Malc's tea. It's Friday so it's frankfurter curry night.

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