Carl Hopkins - Agency Agony Uncle
Is Richard Madeley as a big a prat as we all suspect?
Dear Uncle Carl,
I’m an MD and I suspect one of my creative teams are being courted by another agency and will soon leave us to join them. I also suspect they are already doing work for the new agency and I am suspicious because one of our clients has just moved their business to the rival agency. What can I do about this?
They sound a right couple of Madeleys to me. The answer is really simple – you have to ask them. Confront them with your suspicions. If they categorically say no, then you are simply being paranoid – it happens. If they say ‘no’ but mean ‘yes’, my guess is you will be able to tell. And if you are correct and they are jumping ship, stay calm and remind them of their contracts of employment, perhaps point out that if they take clients you may have recourse for legal action against them or their new employer.
You could then put them on garden leave immediately and make sure they sit and wait out their notice period and again remind them that they are still being paid by you so therefore at any time you can call them in to do any work you feel appropriate.
It’s only once you have confronted them that you can choose your course of action. At the moment, they are holding all the cards and have the control. You need to take that control back and lay the game you are comfortable with. I wish you luck.
Dear Uncle Carl,
What advice would you have for someone looking to grow their marketing business within Scotland?
If you are not already in Scotland then maybe get a Scottish office and fill it full of Scottish people as Scottish-based clients, in my experience, seem reluctant to head south – they might melt!
If you are thinking of moving to Scotland then I would simply ask why are you doing it? Do you feel there is a gap in the market, is there a need for your specific service, is there a particular client there who wants you to open up in the north? If, however, you are already there then it doesn’t actually matter where you are, you have to do the same things any agency needs to do. Demonstrate the ability to consistently provide creative, appropriate and effective solutions to a prospect and client’s design and marketing problems. F*ck it just buy Leith! Too late Cello did that.
Dear Uncle Carl,
How can I get my staff to put their heart and soul into their work as I do? What are your thoughts on staff share schemes? Do they work?
Silly man, your staff probably already believe they are putting their hearts and souls into it. But, they are putting their hearts and souls into their JOB. You are putting your heart and soul into your...well, everything. Remember it is ‘just’ a job to them. Trust me if you have to pay someone to do something, it’s a job. Do you know what Job stands for? Just Over Broke and that’s how most of them probably feel. They know it’s their Job to make you wealthy, so why would they put their hearts and souls into it unless, of course, they themselves owned a chunk.
I think staff share schemes are a logical and appropriate step to take. I can see how they can make your future job offers look different to agencies who do not offer them, so it could help recruitment. I can see how they may stop people leaving you as the scheme could act as part of some loyalty and seniority perk. But just as money is an incredible short term motivator, I think Share schemes are too intangible.
What you are saying to someone is ‘I will give you a slice of a cake, but I can change the size of that cake (dilute shareholding) at any time in the future and when I sell that cake (at a price no one knows and will not know until the final day of a sale process) you will receive a payment... as long as the deal, that we don’t know of at the moment, doesn’t depend on staged payments as we won’t have the money to give you’. Also some staff may not have a job when a sale occurs or they may not want to be part of the new business going forward. So there may be a lot of unknowns of any future deal that will effect the scheme you have offered your staff. And that’s only if the Inland Revenue let you create one and you have the cash to pay for the creation of the appropriate paperwork. So, as you see, it’s not that simple a solution. I would certainly consider it for your top team, but I would consider creating a regular performance-related bonus scheme for the majority of your staff to ensure they put their heart and soul into making you a rich man.
Dear Uncle Carl,
Everyone who works for me thinks I am a c*nt. But I am not. I am just trying to keep my business going and therefore have to make some unpopular decisions. Should I actually be bothered what my staff think of me?
Oh dear. First thing, are you really sure you are not one? I think you should be ‘aware’ of what your staff think of you but no-one, not even your Uncle Carl, can tell you how you should feel about that. All I can tell you is that I know my staff probably thought that I was, occasionally, a cu*t too, and I didn’t let it bother me. I am sure that many other ‘bosses’ have the same concerns. So, you are not alone. What you need to do is make sure you talk to your staff about how you run your business, what your aims and objectives are for the business and perhaps that will help explain why you make certain decisions. Perhaps they will then understand you.
Also, I would suggest, as I have before in this esteemed magazine, that you take the time to talk to your staff and find out about them! If you seek to understand them they may begin to understand you. Any negative thoughts your staff have about you or vice versa is simply a common response to the real fact that neither of the parties actually understands or knows each other. If this is truly bothering you then get them together, tell them your concerns, and then explain the business plan. You have then done all you can and if after that they still think you are a c*nt then it is their problem. Why would anyone want to work for a c*nt, and if they do then surely they are the silly cunt* – oops.
Dear Uncle Carl,
I was wondering what Richard Madeley was actually like? Did you like him and would you go for a pint with him down at your local?
Wouldn’t really go for a pint down my local with anyone as you should know your Uncle Carl is a non-drinker – wouldn’t want the evils of alcohol taking the edge off my razor-like wit now would I? Prior to meeting the King and Queen of the daytime sofas many people told me they thought he was a prat; I can only say that in my brief time on their sofa he came across and seemed, a genuine and interesting chap... no, you’re right, he’s a bit of a prat. Eamonn Holmes on the other hand...
Troubled? Don’t be. Send your woes for the drum’s agony uncle to dear.carl@carnyx.com Or, if you wish to meet with carl to talk about your business, then email him on ch@kloog.ch