If we did social media for... Mary Berry
Mary Berry’s online persona is a riddle, wrapped in an Arctic roll, baked inside an enigma. Numerous Twitter feeds dedicate themselves to capturing the magic of the TV baker’s accidental innuendo. There’s even a Mary Berry Biting Into Things Tumblr. But none of these are the real deal. The only official sign of Queen Mary is a verified Facebook page, which (apart from event and product plugs) gets less action than an over-steamed spotted dick.
While we love her on The Great British Bake Off, we’re desperate for a glimpse behind the scenes. We want to get to know the real Mary Berry. So in a bid to encourage her to grace us with her presence, I’ve looked at where she should start on social.
Embrace the innuendo
There’s something about Mary. Only she could earnestly say “your crack is nice and moist” on national television. Before the watershed. With a straight face. Mary Berry’s tone of voice is one of our favourite things about her, yet when I scroll through her Facebook page, I struggle to picture her tapping away at a keyboard on the other end. Mary’s first job is to bring her personality to life on social. She should leave us in no doubt about who’s posting, à la Stephen Fry, or dare I say it… Kanye. I want to see those 140-character dispatches dripping in innuendo, if you please.
Introduce regular features
Want to keep the adoring public coming back for more? Feed them regular features. It’s best to start with what you know. And what does our favourite baker know? Food porn. Cream horns, spiced buns, lemon tarts, let them see cake! Mary should be showing off her baking brilliance on Instagram. She could even set herself a showstopper challenge each week, tag it with #SundayShowstopper, then sit back and watch the internet erupt in foodgasm. All she needs is someone to show her how to take an Instagram-worthy, top-down photo of her goodies. Quick, get Nigella on FaceTime.
Open up the competition
Getting the GBBO audience involved on social is always going to be a #win. What better way to start, than with Mary’s technical challenge. Hands up if you’ve ever sat in front of the telly, slightly charred ready meal in lap, and boasted that you could smash a Spanische Windtorte, no problem. (Now put your hands down and read on.)
Mary Berry could give us mere mortals the chance to impress, by turning the technical challenge social. She’ll set out the task on Instagram, with a quirky layout of the necessary ingredients and some pithy words of wisdom. And how would she judge your creations? Live stream, obvs. Mary and Paul could tuck into a cheeky slice of cake from the comfort of their gourmet tent, while the rest of the world shares photos of their biscuits, baklava, and other baked goods. Sure, Mary can only judge you on presentation right now, but with the way things are going, ‘tasteavision’ is only a few months away. Trust me, I know about these things.
Can’t commit to a live stream, Mary? I get it, and I’ve got a plan B. How about wannabe bakers upload their culinary delights with the hashtag #ratemybottom (or #technicalchallenge, if you’re not into full moons), and you can admonish their sogginess whenever you have a spare minute? There must be plenty of downtime on the GBBO set, bread takes bloody ages to rise.
Experiment with new platforms
I reckon Mary’s more than capable of holding down Twitter, Facebook and Instagram like a cake boss. So why not experiment with those less-explored areas (at least by celebrities over the age of 24) of the internet? Yep, you guessed it, I want to see Mary’s (brandy) snaps.
Who wouldn’t want to flick through a Snapchat Story from Mary Berry? We’re desperate to see what the Bake Off host gets up to when the cameras aren’t on. What’s in her fridge? How many jackets are in that closet, and is it colour-coordinated? What happens to all those baked goods after each challenge? (I think I’ve got this one: Paul, Sue, Mel and Mary sit down in their matching onesies to watch Eastenders and take down a mountain of French tuiles.) Snapchat’s blowing up like a perfectly-timed soufflé right now, so get involved before Paul Hollywood beats you to it.
So there we have it, one freshly-baked social strategy for Mary Berry. Must dash, got a nun in the oven.
Charlotte Miller is a senior writer at We Are Social