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Diary of a Cannes virgin: Will my expectations for Cannes Lions 2016 match reality?

By Alexa Turnpenney, content editor

June 20, 2016 | 5 min read

This week is going to be a milestone. A turning point, even. A real eye-opener.

Cannes

That’s because this week, it’s Cannes Lions 2016. For most industry people, it’s the highlight of the year, a chance to make new connections, get inspired and generally have an awesome time.

So what about me? Well, it will hopefully be all of that and more, but the thing is, I don’t know for sure. Because I’m a Cannes virgin. This year will be my first time. And as excited as I am to be losing the title, I’m also nervous. Will I make a total fool of myself? Am I going to be any good at it? And with all that pressure, will I actually be able make the most of it?

Because the hype is huge and everyone is talking about what an experience it’s going to be, the ‘C’ word has been something I’ve thought about non-stop since the big boss signed off my ticket six months ago. So, with a shamefully under-packed case and an eager little brain, I’m heading to the south of France for a deflowering. Here are the expectations of a Cannes virgin. Wish me luck.

1. The awkward fumble at the beginning

Networking is not my forte. At all. Apparently it happens a lot at Cannes, but the concept of introducing myself to strangers and trying to sell myself as worth talking to is frankly terrifying. The best thing to do will probably be just suck it up and do it – however cringey it might seem at first, everyone’s in the same boat. That being said, all of the advice in the world can’t help you take the plunge and make that first introduction. Though potentially, a glass or two of rose can.

2. A Columbian is going to steal my heart

No, not like that. I’m waiting to see that groundbreaking piece of work that makes me reconsider every piece of work I’ve ever seen before. A proper heartbreaker. Undoubtedly, the idea will come from a country I’ve not really considered as an advertising hub before – because what’s real love if not being dumbfounded out of absolutely nowhere? It probably won’t win a Lion, but it’ll be something I’ll always remember.

3. Getting down to business

And by that I mean getting up early every morning to walk around the shortlisted work. As tempting as a lie in will be, you won’t be able to stop me putting my geeky glasses on and heading over to the Palais to get down to it. And, in case you haven’t obsessively stalked it like I have, the sexy Cannes 2016 app has a QR scanner for saving work so you can keep track of everything you’ve seen. Phwoar.

4. The eye-rolling moment

The piece of work that everyone knew was going to win. It was a smart campaign and no one’s surprised to see it take a Grand Prix. I’m talking about the Epic Splits and Dumb Ways To Die of this world. We all know they’re awesome and they probably deserve it, but the predictability might just send my eyes to the back of my head. I’m hoping it’s going to be dark in there so no one will notice…

5. Pulling out

I want to go to every single talk. As someone who has been reading through the schedule for the festival since the day it came out, I don’t want to miss a single second. Inevitably, that’s not going to happen and I’m going to have to be a bit more choosy. Most likely, those furious dashes between theatres will sometimes fail and I’m going to have to pull out of some of my jack-packed schedule. Then there’ll be the days where I’ll ditch that talk about data that I really should have gone to, so I can go take part in an epic VR experience instead. C’est la vie.

6. The onset of a red, itchy skin condition

Inevitable, really. When my pasty, freckled, English skin meets the 27 degrees Riveria sun, I’m going to go full lobster. No matter how much factor 50 I slather on, my shoulders are going to literally bubble out there. And then peel delightfully for three weeks after.

7. I’m going to be broken by the end of it

Innuendo aside (first time for everything), I’m pretty much expecting to go back to London as a husk. Not enough sleep, too much booze, and a bit hyperactive from all that inspiration. But bloody hell, won’t it be worth every single second of it…

Alexa Turnpenney is content editor at Partners Andrews Aldridge

Creativity Cannes Lions Advertising

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