Why Vine should be one elephant shorter - welcome to Pam's poetry corner
There are three things that truly test my patience on a daily basis: My husband Malc. The fact I can't hear the TV over the bloody extractor fan in the kitchen. And when the wide wide interweb wastes my time.
Vine: too many elephants
I don't know about you, but when I want some information, I don't want to jump through hoops. As for anything that takes longer than a squirrel's fart to load: forget it. And, dear lord, don't try and make me watch a video on how to how to internet bank when I just want to check Malc's balance. Please, the internet, just tell me: is Janet Porter on today's Loose Women, or not? (Cos the TV'll be staying off if she is.) Or when's my bleedin wheelie bin getting emptied, tell me that mycouncil.com – and NO, I don't want to answer your survey.
So imagine my delight when Twitter launched its new video clip gizmo, Vine. "6 shitting seconds!" I said to Malc, "blink and I'll miss it, thank god". Now, if only that were so. Aside from the erect penises, I'm not impressed, I can tell you. Cos 6 seconds seems like forever and a day if the subject matter's dull as dishwater. There's probably a moral to this tale, but blow me I can't think of it. So I've written a poem instead. I hope you enjoy it, my lovelies.
Oh, I wish Vine were an elephant shorter
One elephant
Two elephant
Three elephant
Four elephant
Five elephant
Six elephant
See what I'm sayin'?!
Right I'm off to cook Malc's tea. It's Friday so it's frankfurter curry night.