There are three things that truly test my patience on a daily basis: My husband Malc. The fact I can't hear the TV over the bloody extractor fan in the kitchen. And when the wide wide interweb wastes my time.
I don't know about you, but when I want some information, I don't want to jump through hoops. As for anything that takes longer than a squirrel's fart to load: forget it. And, dear lord, don't try and make me watch a video on how to how to internet bank when I just want to check Malc's balance. Please, the internet, just tell me: is Janet Porter on today's Loose Women, or not? (Cos the TV'll be staying off if she is.) Or when's my bleedin wheelie bin getting emptied, tell me that mycouncil.com – and NO, I don't want to answer your survey.
So imagine my delight when Twitter launched its new video clip gizmo, Vine. "6 shitting seconds!" I said to Malc, "blink and I'll miss it, thank god". Now, if only that were so. Aside from the erect penises, I'm not impressed, I can tell you. Cos 6 seconds seems like forever and a day if the subject matter's dull as dishwater. There's probably a moral to this tale, but blow me I can't think of it. So I've written a poem instead. I hope you enjoy it, my lovelies.
Oh, I wish Vine were an elephant shorter
See what I'm sayin'?!
Right I'm off to cook Malc's tea. It's Friday so it's frankfurter curry night.
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