Cannes Confessions: We reveal the stories ad and media execs wish had stayed in Cannes

Here are some of the goings among the advertising community during a week in the south of France.

At the Cannes Lions festival journalists are accustomed to being wooed by brands and agencies, but not Facebook, which took the unusual decision to ban press from its beach cabana.

While delegates with standard passes were welcomed with open arms (and a chilled glass of rosé, no doubt) a blockade of staff in Facebook branded t-shirts turned away anyone with a press pass.

Why? We're not sure.

The social network had flown in to promote its latest ad offering on Instagram and press were instead invited to a conference hall in a nearby hotel to meet execs at planned briefings. However, it seemed to backfire. At one such briefing – where Instagram and Facebook bigwigs appeared for a Q&A – only a handful of journos showed up. In fact, so pitiful was the interest that Facebook’s PR team frantically shuffled everyone to a smaller room in what seemed like a bid to save face.

Looks like Facebook got its wish about keeping the journos out.

And it seems Facebook wasn't the only one wanting to control press. After Kim Kardashian’s on stage session she was whisked off for a Q&A in the newsroom. But before journos were even given a glimpse of the reality star, they were told to “not ask stupid questions” and basically be, like, “super nice to her” – as Cannes organisers wanted to invite her back next year. In other words, don’t mention the words 'sex', 'tape', 'butt' or 'implants'.

One person who wasn’t afraid of all eyes being on him was Microsoft’s Jonathan Oliver. While at Cannes he celebrated his birthday by taking to the stage at the tech giant’s official party to show off his rapping skills. We’ve heard that Microsoft wasn't exactly thrilled with the bold move – but Jonathan, we loved it!

At Cannes it seems like there is only ever really one brand that comes out a winner – the Carlton Hotel. Rumour has it that its legendary terrace was raking in a million euros a day as agency execs partied a little too hard with the old company credit cards. In fact, so insatiable was the appetite for rosé wine that the Carlton had to employ six full-time members of staff just to uncork bottles.

And one can only guess the rather amorous couple that decided to – how shall we put this?…nope there is no good way – have a shag on the steps of the Palais de Festivals contributed a sizeable chunk to that Carlton bill.

A nice panel session involving James Kirkham and Jonathan Fraser saw the paid discuss their success in developing a format that had led to them having several game shows developed internationally, and how they used that formula to to make a successful campaign for Brasso.

The likeable pair however were left with no microphone for their audience to ask them questions, which led to Jonathan Fraser sitting in the laps of the mainly female audience members that were waiting for the Kardashian West panel, and were asked to speak into his lapel mic.

"All you need to do is speak into my microphone' explained Fraser, only for Kirkham to quickly quip 'You tried that trick before!' Queue much laughing and applause.