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BrewDog apologises to Portman Group for ‘not giving a shit’ over marketing rules breach

BrewDog has issued a ‘formal apology’ to The Portman Group after the independent complaints panel found that the craft brewer had encouraged anti-social behaviour and binge drinking with its Dead Pony Club ale advertising – in breach of the alcohol marketing code.

Expressing ‘indifference and nonchalance’ at the ruling BrewDog went on to attack double standards in the industry which protect ‘gigantic faceless brands’ and stymie ‘creativity and competition’.

In a combative statement James Watt, co-founder of BrewDog, said: “On behalf of BrewDog PLC and its 14,691 individual shareholders, I would like to issue a formal apology to the Portman Group for not giving a shit about today’s ruling. Indeed, we are sorry for never giving a shit about anything the Portman Group has to say, and treating all of its statements with callous indifference and nonchalance.”

“Unfortunately, the Portman Group is a gloomy gaggle of killjoy jobsworths, funded by navel-gazing international drinks giants. Their raison d’être is to provide a diversion for the true evils of this industry, perpetrated by the gigantic faceless brands that pay their wages. Blinkered by this soulless mission, they treat beer drinkers like brain dead zombies and vilify creativity and competition. Therefore, we have never given a second thought to any of the grubby newspeak they disseminate periodically.”

“While the Portman Group lives out its days deliberating whether a joke on a bottle of beer is responsible or irresponsible use of humour, at BrewDog we will just get on with brewing awesome beer and treating our customers like adults. I’m sure that makes Henry Ashworth cry a salty tear into his shatterproof tankard of Directors as he tries to enforce his futile and toothless little marketing code, but we couldn’t give a shit about that, either.”

“We sincerely hope that the sarcasm of this message fits the Portman Group criteria of responsible use of humour.”