Agency Agony Uncle

Three years, so that means you came out of university (which I tend to think is somewhere people go because they have no idea what they really want to do – but they know it’s not to work!) then you fell for some random ‘career’ that looked more glamorous than it actually is. ‘Marketing’ is a great one for that; an industry full of ‘wannabes’ – novelists, directors, artists, etc. But also an industry where you need no real qualifications so it’s full of no-hopers, undecided and failures… (like teaching).

Did you go to ‘uni’ wanting to be the next great marketer or designer? I doubt it. Did you leave convinced you would forge the next advertising monolith? Probably not. And now you are here you have realised that it’s hard, slow, fragmented, unglamorous and not very sexy. You may have had the passion, but for starting a new life not a passion for a life of banal strategic solutions and client amends. Move on I say, find something new and find your passion again. Also give your employer a chance to find someone who gives a crap. Business is too hard at the moment to carry passengers like you.

Dear Uncle Carl,

I slept with my boss at the agency BBQ last week. We are both single, so it shouldn’t be a problem, but already colleagues (who found out very quickly) are starting to suggest that she is favouring me at work. She’s not, I don’t think. We do not plan to have a relationship, it was a one off. But is there anything I can do to get back to normal?

Well this is a predicament isn’t it? You have had a shag that just keeps giving, you naughty little boy.

Your ‘colleagues found out very quickly’; that’s because you either told them or you are both incredibly indiscreet. Their knowledge puts pressure on the second point you try to make; ‘do not plan to have a relationship’ – me thinks she might. She cannot be seen to be a ‘lady of easy virtue’ can she? So she will want a relationship or at least create the pretence of one before drop kicking your Chlamydia ridden todger out of the agency.

And let’s cut to the chase; here’s the choices you face, you will either have a relationship, you will have to exchange rings, marry and have kids (not necessarily in that order) or you will simply leave the agency. And you will leave because if she is not in a relationship with you then it points out to staff that she gives it up on a first date! So, if you don’t want a relationship but do want a career, then leave now.

Dear Uncle Carl,

Do “Nice” people get anywhere in their careers? People always say “of course they do”. But I don’t think they do.

All a matter of your point of view. Of course ‘nice’ people do well. But simply because some people do not recognise, confidence, ambition, desire or drive as ‘nice’ qualities then it’s more a reflection on the observer of a lack of those traits than how ‘nice’ or otherwise the successful individual is.

Many people, in fact, most successful people I know are perfectly nice but perhaps that’s because we share similar qualities so I recognise them as great traits to have if you wish to be successful.

The simple fact is this: if you try to please everyone you will please no-one, least of all yourself. So do what you want to do in a way you are happy with and in a way you, yourself, would like to be treated and forget what anyone else thinks.

I am well aware that I am disliked and thought of as ‘not nice’ by many people and I can’t do much about it... I simply do what I do but if you take the time to look at what I do, meet the people I spend time with or talk to me, you might get to see that, in fact, I’m quite ‘nice’…. now piss off you loser I’m busy.

Dear Uncle Carl,

We currently undertake a bit of pro bono work for charities we try to support. However, with the current climate biting a bit, we need to divert our resources elsewhere. Now, a couple of our pro bono clients are needing work done for annual drives (etc) right now, and I hate to disappoint. How should we suggest they delay their crucial fundraising, while we look after our own business?

I don’t think you can ask them to delay their fundraising, that’s a little unrealistic isn’t it? I would love to see Bill Gates turn to the Malaria sufferers in Africa and say “yes I know I said I would cure the world of Malaria but it seems we have launched a new search engine and I’m a bit busy.. you can hold on, cant you? Perhaps you could close a window.. no pun intended!”.

All you can do is explain the situation to them. As a business I know you cannot offer a service that is correct, quick and cheap (or free!). So give them the choice that if they want a good job doing for free then they may have to wait.

Alternatively, ask your staff if they want to carry on doing the work but make it clear they have to do it in their time and not in your time!

Make sure at the start of any ‘give it away’ relationship that the recipient understands there is an intrinsic value in the service. Make them aware the ‘free offer’ is limited to one campaign or for a number of months. But you seem to have failed to give your service a value or cut off point so guess what, it becomes expected and then it become difficult to let them down.

Dear Uncle Carl,

I am currently on my annual trawl of the Degree Shows, looking for fresh talent. We would like to add a young and eager creative, fresh out of college, to bolster the creative team, but we have no budget to do this. I just feel that it isn’t ethical to bring in talented guys on “work experience” knowing fine well that there is no job at the end of it...

I think you would be wrong to trawl the graduates and offer them work experience for a job that will never exist so don’t do it. However, you wouldn’t be wrong to go to the students who are not yet graduating and offer them work experience as it is exactly that - ‘work experience’.

Graduates are ‘graduating’ and looking for a job – a job you don’t have so don’t offer it numb nuts.

are you troubled? Don’t be. send all your questions for uncle Carl to dear.carl@carnyx.com Or, If you wish to meet with carl to talk about your business, email him on ch@kloog.ch