Agency Agony Uncle

My opinion of ‘account man’ (I will call them account handlers) has changed. I always accepted them as I grew up in agency land. But it did bug me at one point in my career when I was running the creative department that, when at their desks, they were simply note-takers, job bag jockeys for some over-bearing client. Yet when they walked into my creative department they felt they had the authority, the knowledge and the experience to instruct and direct specialists; designers and writers twice their age and salary level with many more years under their belt, specialists who may have spent up to four years learning their craft at higher education institutions. It ‘confused’ me.

I am not saying the account handlers were thick, they were, and are, more qualified than I was but how a degree in the migration patterns of the South American Yak imbues them with the skills to tell a creative director his brand rationale doesn’t hold water is beyond me! Unless you have qualifications and demonstrated you have studied marketing, direct marketing, PR, whatever the skill set, then why on earth do you think you can ‘manage’ a client’s account? So I considered changing the job title of anyone who didn’t have marketing qualifications to Project Manager. My hope was to get them to realise that you have to educate yourself in your chosen specialism if you want to be taken seriously. So I think there may be an argument for the demise of unqualified, in-experienced ‘account managers’ but there is a role for intelligent project managers and a need for educated and experienced marketing people.

Dear Uncle Carl,

We, as an agency, are in the process of planning an advertising campaign to promote our business. It will run in local and regional newspapers as well as trade press. Practicing what we preach. Why do more advertising agencies not promote their business this way? It is a time-consuming task to do it properly, but one that shows we believe in our own ability to make a difference to our business (and others).

I, as an agony uncle, am in the process of shaking you by the hand while slapping you with my free hand. If you are an advertising agency, you should act like one and ask yourself ‘why’? Why are you advertising, do you know if it works, have you tested it, is it how you get your best customers? Is there a chance that other agencies do not do it because it doesn’t work! Well at least I doubt it will work in the regional and local press. Imagine your ad in the Nowheresville Echo cosying up against the local florist, the local meat head gym and the plumbers and builders…

As for the trade ads, here’s a secret; most agencies advertise in magazines as a form of masturbation, intimidation and even recruitment. It makes them all feel good about themselves; it makes others a little nervous and some delusional and easily impressed staff may take it as a sign of prosperity and untold riches and think ‘I need to go work there!’

So if you are looking to build awareness of your brand try putting your ads in the press that your clients and prospects read as you will have more chance to stand out. Do not roll out any advertising without testing it and measuring it and be aware that if you intend to do it seriously, you will have to do it for a long time. So do I think it will work in the short term? No. And in the long term? No. Have you thought of hiring an advertising agency? They may be able to give you some help.

Dear Uncle Carl,

I was having my first “proper” business lunch of the year just last week – in March! Can you believe it? Lunch, then drinks into the afternoon with a long-standing client... Much to the dismay of my MD. He ear-bashed me for wasting my time and the company’s money. But we got a lot of planning done, work signed off and ideas for future work to bring back. In short, it was a hugely beneficial “long lunch”. Still my boss is furious. Is he right or is this proof that long lunches can be a good thing?

Silly boy, your boss is jealous he wasn’t invited or he may be suspicious that you are getting so close to a client, closer than he is. Or perhaps he is fucked off that you swan off for an afternoon lunch at his expense while he has to do the work. Your mistake, my Little Chef loving chum, is that you obviously didn’t manage your boss’s expectations; you didn’t tell him you had been asked out by the client to discuss the year ahead and that you felt that it would be time well spent and that there would be business to get out of it, and by the way boss, would you like to be there? He would have probably declined but gone away thinking that your time and his money would be a good investment in these tough times as an exercise in retaining and hopefully growing a client.

Instead, you simply pissed off to god knows where, your boss didn’t get a look in, no one knew where you were or how long you would be – you’re an idiot – good luck getting your expenses through accounts!

Dear Uncle Carl,

This morning we had a fire alarm at work. Thankfully, it wasn’t a real fire. Thankfully, as when we tried to escape the potentially burning building, we found the fire doors locked! Being a small-ish place of work we don’t have a dedicated health and safety officer, but I am worried about the disregard for staff safety. Any advice as to what I should do?

Hardly 9/11 was it? You have a point; someone has to be responsible for Health and Safety issues just as you need a champion first aider. I always found that the chaps and chapesses within my accounts, IT and secretarial departments were happy to step forward where the possibilities of wearing a high-visibility jacket were concerned or to be the latest incarnation of Florence Nightingale.

Perhaps there is a more mysterious plan afoot; these are tough times and when clients are not spending money in say, the manufacturing industry, then it’s not unusual to see a sudden inexplicable rise in factory fires and a rise in insurance claims… perhaps your boss has taken out key man insurance on all of you and now is just waiting for a particularly hot and dry spell and a stray cigarette butt near the spray mount and quicker than you can say ‘ooh it’s sunny, let’s have a barbeque in the Australian outback’, whooof, you have the hottest agency in the land.

In the meantime find some health and safety posters and get yourself a desk near a window, first floor!